Have you ever struggled with feedback and criticism?  I think that we all have.

Sometimes that feedback or criticism comes from friends, family, colleagues, or from the internet.

 

You can listen to the Podcast free here:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/feedback-and-criticism/id1282091502?i=1000392856142&mt=2

http://gorocco.libsyn.com/feedback-and-criticism

https://soundcloud.com/user-655379556/episode-2017-04-feedback-and-criticism-podcast-export

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SUMMARY

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Have you ever struggled with feedback and criticism?

I think that we all have.   Sometimes that feedback or criticism comes from friends, family, colleagues, or from the internet.

Well, I sure have.  Let me share some criticism and some feedback that I got today.

I got this puzzling response on Facebook,

“Nah!! I’m just tired of POEPLE [sic] LACK THERE OF!  STEP UP OR LEAVE ME ALONE

 

I can just imagine this person hammering away on their keyboard with their thumbs, in a full froth and rage.  My first instinct, was to delete it, because sometimes we get spammers or trolls, but I didn’t feel that that was the case.

And so I chose to engage.  I wrote back,

‘What type of Step Up would help you?’

A little bit later she responded with,

‘Plain real!’

I wasn’t understanding, because I am being as real as I can.  I experience these talks as I have them.  I don’t have a script.  I’ve just got bullets to keep me on track.  I like to actively listen; that’s what I do.  I seek to understand you and I want to share with you.   I am 100% real.

As I was typing,

‘Help me understand.  What do you mean by plain real?’

She wrote back,

‘Be vulnerable, like us [sic] women are.’

 

Now I get it.  The boosted post she responded to was about stress and time and how we can put a false urgency on ourselves.   These are relatively high-minded concepts, and there are people who don’t care for strategy, or long plans.  They see those things as amorphous and useless.  They choose to solve problems through energetic action.

So I responded with,

‘OK.   I get it. Yes, vulnerability matters, big time.  I started this business because I was burning out at work. Heading for a divorce and a heart attack by 35. I needed to change because I was doing everything ‘right’ and I was losing everything that mattered. I needed a way to make a living without losing my life. That’s why I do what I do. I help people struggling with these things. Have you ever struggled with this? Thanks for engaging.’

Why didn’t I just delete it?   I know from live talks that sometimes the people that give you the hardest time, are really the ones who are the most hungry to engage.  They can be the ones who need the most help.

Coaching isn’t a popularity contest.  We are here to serve.

Next time you’re faced with a challenge:  Look past yourself.  Don’t take it personally, because nothing that people do is about you.  It’s about their projection, about their perception of reality.

One thing to do differently:  Treat each complaint or comment as a gift.  That is the title of a book by Barlow and Moller.

Thanks very much, I’m Rocco Luongo, and this is Thoughtful Leadership.  Check me at, GoRocco.Pro, on Facebook, Instagram, Youtube, and with podcasts on iTunes and Soundcloud.

Thanks again.  Go YOU!!!

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FULL TRANSCRIPT

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Hi Rocco Luongo here, coach, consultant.  Have you ever struggled with feedback and criticism?

I think that we all have.  Sometimes that feedback or criticism comes from friends, family, or colleagues or it comes from the internet like Facebook, Instagram, something like that?

Well, I sure have.  Let me share some criticism and some feedback that I got today.

Here’s what I got as a response from one of my boosted Facebook posts:

“Nah!! I’m just tired of POEPLE [sic] LACK THERE OF!  STEP UP OR LEAVE ME ALONE

It’s all written in caps, misspelled, confusing.  I can just imagine this person hammering away on their keyboard with their thumbs, in a full froth and rage.  My first instinct, was just to delete it, because sometimes we get spammers or someone just posts a URL, or someone might just be a troll, but I didn’t feel that that was the case this time.

And so I chose to engage.  I wrote back,

‘What type of Step Up would help you?’

A little bit later she responded with,

‘Plain real!’

By this point I was pretty confused.  It seems simple enough, but I wasn’t understanding, because I am being as real as I can.  I experience these talks as I have them with you.  I don’t have a script.  I’ve got little bullets to keep me on track because sometimes I go off track, it happens when you give a coach a chance to talk, *grin*  . . .  but I work on my listening.   I like to actively listen; that’s what I do.  I seek to understand you and I want to project and I want to share with you.  So, I am being as real as I can.

As I was typing,

‘Help me understand.  What do you mean by plain real?’

She wrote back,

‘Be vulnerable, like us [sic] women are.’

I thought, okay, now I get it.  I get where you’re coming from, because the boosted post she responded to was about stress and time and how we can put a false urgency on ourselves.  These are relatively high-minded concepts, and there’s a whole group of people out there who don’t care for strategy, or long plans.  They see those things as amorphous and useless.  They choose to solve problems through energetic action, and both types of people are acceptable; and necessary.

Now, I don’t really know if that’s this type of person, but that is what her response reminded me of and so I responded with,

‘OK.   I get it. Yes, vulnerability matters, big time.  I started this business because I was burning out at work. Heading for a divorce and a heart attack by 35. I needed to change because I was doing everything ‘right’ and I was losing everything that mattered. I needed a way to make a living without losing my life. That’s why I do what I do. I help people struggling with these things. Have you ever struggled with this? Thanks for engaging.’

Here’s what kept me from just deleting the whole thing.  I remembered that when I’m giving talks, whether it’s a technical presentation, a seminar, or a growth offsite, sometimes the people that give you the hardest time, are really the ones who are the most hungry to engage.  They can be the ones who need the most help.

Coaching, consulting, and helping people isn’t a popularity contest.

We are here to serve, we are here to help. If you kick the challenging comments and criticisms out of your feed, you may well be abandoning someone whom you can truly serve.

Next time you’re faced with a challenge:  Look past yourself.  Don’t take it personally, because nothing that people do is about you.  It’s about their projection, about their perception of reality.  So, don’t internalize it.   If you see someone challenging you, engage and ask that question.

If they turn out to be a spammer or a troll after you’ve had a couple of exchanges, then make your choice.  You can deal with criticism just by sticking your tongue out at them, and sometimes you should, but maybe you want to engage first and work to understand.

One thing to do differently:  Treat each complaint or comment as a gift.  That is the title of a book by Barlow and Moller.  People are hungry to engage and if you want to expand your reach and help people, you’ll need to engage, even if they seem crazy at first.

Thanks very much, I’m Rocco Luongo, and this is Thoughtful Leadership.  Check me at, GoRocco.Pro, on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and with podcasts on iTunes and Soundcloud.

Thanks again.  Go YOU!!!